According to Steve Chandler, expectations vs agreements is what distinguishes successful people from the rest.
Expectations create conflict. Some people get what they want and others don’t and it has to do with expectations vs agreements.
👉 Expectation is having a strong belief that something will happen.
There’s almost a sense of entitlement that someone should do something for you.
Sure, some things in life we can count on: the Sun will rise in the East. The gravity will keep you down.
👉 But it becomes problematic is when you expect something of yourself and others.
If we don’t get the result we want or if someone acts not how we wished them to act, expectations trigger judgement, anger, frustration.
Having expectations is setting yourself up for disappointment.
👉 People don’t look forward to live up to expectations. Actually, they actively avoid them.
They much rather you make an agreement with them. Because they were involved, they feel the power and personal responsibility to fulfil it.
👉 Expectations are reactive and fear-based – it allows blame and responsibility to be put on other people.
Two things happen when you have expectations:
1.People don’t live up to it and you feel disappointed or even betrayed.
Btw, a pervasive expectation in society: before and during relationships, couples don’t talk about where they stand on sleeping with other people, they just expect the other person to do what’s “right”.
2. They do live up to the expectations so you’re like – so what? That’s what was supposed to happen.
👉 Instead of having expectations, create agreements with yourself and others.
Agreements are creative and courageous
When you don’t have expectations the only feeling you have s being delighted – you didn’t expect anything so you got pleasantly surprised.
Agreements are stronger than expectations
Expectations are toxic and create resentment
Human beings love keeping agreements that you both made