So what do women want, really? You give and you give and you give but she still finds reasons to complain. You’ve tried everything but arrived at the conclusion that she herself doesn’t know what she wants.
I hear you! And I’m here to tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There’s an answer for what women want and it’s only five points. I’m telling you, if you cover the basics I’m about to tell you, any other problems will dissipate.
Now the points I’m about to share have been created by a Lithuanian relationship advisor who has worked with multiple couples and found this to be true. So this has been applied and worked for men before.
One thing I have to tell you before we dig in though, is that you will have to practice this on your girl. Theoretical understanding will not suffice. Okay, so what do we want?
1. Being listened to!
Yep, we need to be able to talk to you about our experiences and thoughts daily. But, we need your full attention and presence. And on top of it, no unsolicited advice please! I’m sure you’ve been in a situation before where your friend/girlfriend/wife was telling you about a problem and you gave her great advice but she got upset! What’s wrong with that eh? You were just trying to be helpful. I feel you. You men are these incredible creatures that are wired to look for solutions to problems. But, for us women it is about talking our stuff out, and just getting it off our chest. We don’t want advice, frankly we just want to vent. If we need advice, we will ask for it. So unless we do, just be patient and listen to us. Just be there. That alone makes us feel so much better.
2. Accept us as we are
I mean, all of our emotional swings, idiosyncrasies, fears and worries. I know we seem illogical to you, but there’s a method to our madness 🙂 Women don’t want to be called emotional or crazy, even if this is how we come across. We want to be accepted, emotional swings and all, regardless of how bizarre it may seem. We women are quite subtle creatures. I think there’s beauty in our differences and if we understand each other’s mode of operation, then we can create something beautiful together.
Every day please. There’s no such thing as too much affection! I don’t mean you should stay with your partner 24/7 and do nothing but cuddle and talk. You do need to remember though to give quality attention throughout the day. Little things such as a hug and a kiss before you leave and come back home. Bring home flowers once in a while. Send a nice text when you’re not together. Remember, it’s about showing her you care and think of her. I know you do anyways, but it’s so lovely when you show it with your actions!
4. Emotional safety
What the hell is that, you’re not her parent! I know, let me explain what I mean. This point is related to point number 2. We need to know that you will have our backs if we fail. When we’re wrong, you won’t rub it in our face and keep score – you’ll move on. You’ll always support us and take responsibility for us where you can, instead of blaming and shaming.
5. Respect and appreciation
For our work, efforts, looks, feelings etc. Notice where she did something extra or went out of her way to do something for you. For example, if you mentioned you like red lipstick and she wore it for your next date. New hobby she’s interested in and can’t stop talking about. A book she read because you recommended it. A new candle she bought for the house. It’s about noticing the little details and efforts she put in. Try your best to observe and give praise because it is so common for men to miss these acts of appreciation. A simple point but a powerful one.
That’s it! Now you have the blueprint for understanding the needs of your other half better. Learn and implement. If you don’t see any ‘results’ at first don’t worry – keep practising. I promise you that in time she’ll become more appreciative. You’ll put a smile on her face. She’ll be happier. I’m sure you know from experience already – when she’s happy, so are you.
This article has been translated and adapted from an article of one of my Lithuanian teachers Darius Ražauskas. When I read it the first time I was like hell yeah, that’s what me and my friends always discuss when we talk about what our needs in a relationship are. Hope this is helpful. For fellow Lithuanians, go check Darius’ page here.